Fear and Money

“Nervous” markets! Global economic meltdown! 401(k)’s plummeting! These have been the sobering headlines in 2008. It’s very hard not to be consumed by fear as you read the current newspaper headlines and hear the tension in business newscasters’ voices.

Even in less turbulent times, families still face the challenge of dealing with their fears about money. Fear shows up in various ways, usually in extreme reactions to money management. Consider a not so untypical couple. We might call them “Susie Saver” and “Oscar Ostrich”. (It could just as well be Sam Saver and Olivia Ostrich). Susie Saver is hesitant about spending money, fearing financial ruin. Oscar Ostrich, with his head in the sand, spends money with complete oblivion. The two of them are married to each other and it is a disaster. Susie continually nags at Oscar, “We can’t afford it!” Oscar retorts, “You are such a drag!” He fears Susie’s control, denying that there are inherent natural limits beyond Susie’s messages to him.

Both of them don’t realize that there is a middle ground here. Thriftiness is not a bad idea, especially in tight economic times. But being afraid to make reasonable purchases hampers one’s ability to enjoy life. Money worries become all-consuming. At the same time, spending money without regard to an overall plan and sound financial principles leads one to credit card debt, bankruptcy, loss of home, and, in many cases, divorce.

Money fights can get ugly. Many couples have not been able to have reasonable conversations with each other about money and their underlying relationship fears. Being able to share these fears with a neutral third party can help couples develop a sound financial system that works for both of them.

Judy Davidson