What Gets in the Way of keeping our New Year’s Resolutions?
It’s the New Year! Welcome to 2009; goodbye to 2008. This is the time of the year when many of us make resolutions. We set laudable goals: lose fifteen pounds, eliminate or reduce credit card debt, or take daily walks for fitness and stress management. The goals are great. We’re fired with enthusiasm. The problem is that we tend to forget our zeal by the end of January—sometimes by the end of the first week of January. What’s up with that?
1. It’s a therapy cliché, but you have to really want to change. When I see individuals or couples who come for counseling, they are doing so because they have said to them, “I am not happy with the status quo. Something has to change!” Absolutely, this is the first step toward making a positive change. The problem is that is only the first step. When I ask couples to rate on a ten-point scale how committed they are to each other and to making their relationship work, it tells me a lot if one of the partners says “ten” and the other says “five”. If you are sufficiently motivated, it can help you persist through those times when things seem difficult or insurmountable.
2. Habit change is hard. We put on those extra pounds because we really like those gooey carbohydrates, fatty foods, and/or high-sugar goodies. We have credit card debt because it feels exciting, for the short term, to have those new clothes, sports club membership or fancy vacation trip. We avoid walking because it is easier to sit and watch TV than go out in the cold weather. Yet, we also would like to be thinner, debt-free, and have a healthier, more stress-free life style.
3. Habit change takes time and conscious effort. I remember a workshop presenter who suggested changing the hand that holds the soap when you are taking a shower. He said that it takes at least three weeks before the change becomes somewhat automatic. Until you establish a new habit, you have to consciously pay attention to what you are doing. What that means is that each time you are about to engage in the old behavior, you have to stop and think what you are doing. Will having that food item help you reach your goal? What action do you have to take to overcome inertia about exercise? (Sometimes just getting dressed and taking ten steps out the door is enough for me to be ready for my daily walk, but I have to do at least that much). Will you regret that impulse purchase? What will it be like when you realize there is “too much month and too little money”?
4. Set a manageable and well-defined goal. A lot of people sabotage their own success by setting unrealistic or vague goals. A couple may say “we want to communicate better”. That sounds good, but how will you know you have achieved your goal?. A better approach might be to say, “We commit to taking a couples communication class.” “We commit to taking brief time-outs when we realize that we are getting angry and about to say something hurtful.” “We commit to talking about our feelings rather than acting them out by yelling and blaming.” “We commit to at least one hour of quality time with each other three times per week.”
Think about a possible well-defined money goal for yourself. Some examples:
1) Saving 10% of your income each month by payroll deduction.
2) Setting aside two hours each month to review your financial situation,
balance your checkbook/spreadsheet, or talk with your partner about goals.
3) Leaving your credit cards at home and using “cash only” for
purchases until you have eliminated your credit card debt.
5. Chart progress and hold yourself accountable One of the most helpful tools that Weight Watchers offers is a small weekly food/exercise/emotions diary. By carefully logging your actual actions/emotions and comparing them to results, it is possible to identify triggers that lead you to go “off program”.
6. Reward success. It’s a drag if you are “being good” all the time. Building in systematic rewards, tied in to accomplishment, helps you stay motivated.
7. Seek practical and emotional support: You may want to make one or more of these changes in financial behavior:
a) reduce or eliminate debt,
b) become a knowledgeable investor,
c) learn basic money management tools,
d) reduce impulse spending,
e) reduce excessive fear (the bag lady concept),
f) start saving for retirement,
g) find a way to work as a financial team with your significant other.
It’s hard to make major life and habit changes without support and encouragement from other people. Most of us don’t make changes in a vacuum. Help can be available in a variety of formats. A competent financial advisor can offer basic financial education and assist with goal setting. Twelve step programs (for a variety of addictions) offer the fellowship of others who have similar struggles and who can often dissuade you from giving into temptation. Support groups reduce a sense of isolation. Counselors and therapists can help you work through emotional blocks to change.
May you have a happy and prosperous new year!
